i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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