I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Randomize
