We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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