also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
