i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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