i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
