I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
