I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Welp...herpes.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
