Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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