2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Too much gin, very little bucket
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
