the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
