haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
