They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
