I will die if light touches me.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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