And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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