So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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