She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
