Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
