I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
