if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
