I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I have post one night stand depression
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