I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
