Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
