i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Randomize
