No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
