All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
