Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
