...so i touched it.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
