i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
