She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
