Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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