one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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