she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
