Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I met the friendliest cop last night
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
