Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Enjoy the penises
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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