Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
We need a shit load of segways right now
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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