Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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