I wish life had little blips of pornography
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
