one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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