I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
