I think scott just propositioned me for sex
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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