Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
