Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
