I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
