Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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