He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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