and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
