Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
