so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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