he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I need to sanitize my soul.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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