we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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