allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
