Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
