By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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