I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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