she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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