Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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