Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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